literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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