OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize