just tell him i said nine months
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
