He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
