lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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