Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
