the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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