she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
