loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
