WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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