Barsexuality is the new black.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize