He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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