I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
