Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
