Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
