How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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