I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
