He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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