why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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