I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
