I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I intend to get homeless drunk
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
