My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
