Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
