True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
