I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
