I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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