we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
