then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
