I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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