I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
