After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
