I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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