Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
