mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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