she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
NoShamevember. You game?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
