Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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