my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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