hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Terrible idea I love it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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