12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize