Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
