i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
