Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
