The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
