We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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