That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i out mim tonsoeep
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