I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize