My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Drake has all the answers
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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