At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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