Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
