Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
