The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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