and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
