Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just pynch a tree in the face
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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