my phone needs a breathalizer
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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