dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
