the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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