8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
