We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
