My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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