he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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