At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
