I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize