she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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