Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
