I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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