Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
