We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
