I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
