So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
