i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
ttyl tear gas
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
