I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
