I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
