you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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