I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize