By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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