Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
