Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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