apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
