Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
